Day Three: In Which I Listen to and Love 90's Rock

Last night, I decided to add yet another random station to my already long list on Pandora. I don't usually build by songs, but rather choose stations based on a particular artist or band. I have everything from Kesha to Yeasayer to Marvin Gaye (which I never listen too, but you know...just in case...)

It's been a while, Marv.

Anyway, my new addition is definitely my favorite, by far. It is.... 90's Alternative/Grunge!!! And it seriously completes me in a way I cannot fully explain, though I will try. I am overcome with emotion just thinking about it, so bear with me as I try to sift through unimaginable joy, nostalgia, and heartache. Ok...let's start at the beginning... when my brain first acknowledged music and began to have preferences. So: 6 or 7 years old.

When I was a youngin', my momma did a good job of exposing me to the drug-addled rockstar world of Nirvana, The Pixies, and Liz Phair. While other kids were playing Red Rover or some shit, we were cruising in her cherry-red Honda civic (a color I chose, probably because I knew it was bad ass), listening to Smells like Teen Spirit. As a 6-year-old, I could only imagine what teen spirit smelled like. I had not an inkling that it would resemble the stench of sweaty armpits and humiliation after having failed the gym teacher's torturous mile-dash.

As I got older, I briefly went in a new direction. In 2nd grade, I developed a love for TLC, which I learned was not an acronym for Tender Loving Care. So deep was my avoidance of chasing waterfalls! I even recall a childhood musical argument (in preparation for those pretentious "My Music Is Better Than Yours!" conversations sure to come later in life?) over the merits of TLC vs. Mariah Carey. While Mariah Carey sung tunes about sweet, sweet, false fantasies, T Boz, Lefteye, and Chili crafted philosophical (but melodic!) scores reflecting on AIDS. They were clearly superior, for they were music with substance.

Crazy, Sexy, Cool Role Models!

Sometime after this affair with the world of R&B and whatever was on JAM'N 94.5 (usually Salt 'N Pepa), I rediscovered alternative rock. This time, I explored Green Day, Everclear, and No Doubt with all of the gusto that a 5th grade girl in rural New Hampshire could muster. I'll be honest, I did not have a lot of friends during this time. So, I guess I understood Billy Joe's angst-ridden songs in Dookie. In a way, we both suffered from a lack of love and admiration; we were both trapped in the doldrums of white-bred America. I was 10 years old. I could relate to that.

Then middle school happened and everything changed again. The hormones that flooded my brain also clouded my judgement. Suddenly I was all about Hot Topic and baggy jeans. I actually ENJOYED Korn and Limp Bizkit. How I thought that was viable music is a mystery that remains. All I can use to explain away this severe lack of musical standards is the switching on of my pituitary gland. That bastard in my brain did not think Fred Durst was literally the worst human being in the history of the world. It thought quite the opposite, which is just...ew.

But, I digress. Last night, I was reminded of my musical history when I found that gem of a Pandora station. I was suddenly transported into a world where I knew the words to every single song. Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Everclear (which I now realize was a seriously underrated band. They were so good!), Lit, Eve 6. These were the musicians that defined me when I was growing up. What I lacked in friends and a social life was made up for in time spent listening to WFNX and building up a library of lyrics that is still accessible to me today. I can proudly say that I do not regret my choices!

I do, however, really, really regret ever listening to something called "Freak On A Leash" - and not hating it.

Our hair is as long as our unhappiness is deep.